he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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