why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
