I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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