i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
