If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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