Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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