I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have aggressive nipples.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
