I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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