Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
