I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
