OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
