I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
