Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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