took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
