the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
