Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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