I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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