she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
