I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
