In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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