whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
