spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
