Who wears a wallet chain?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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