Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
