i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
