when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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