just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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