Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
