Operation Purity has been aborted
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
