You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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