i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
