that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
