well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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