its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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