i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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