Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My vagina is officially offended.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
