my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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