Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
