i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
