mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
