He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
