I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
