My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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