I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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