so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
