I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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