I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
