In the future we'll all be gay
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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