what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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