Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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