; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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