went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
