If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
