farters have to be the big spoon...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
