maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Randomize
