to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
