Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
