Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
