Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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