Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
