My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
