she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
