glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
