What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
