i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
