You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
