Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
