I wanna bring you to show and tell
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
whose parrot is this?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
