dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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