You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We had to coat check the pizza.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just blew my weed a kiss
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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