and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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