textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
