Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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