She is in my trunk
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
