Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
