we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize