Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
