Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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