You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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