they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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